absolut ginger

Ooh… James Franco.. don’t you think he’s oh-so-gorgeous!!

Well, I think followers and readers of this blog should have known by now – the famous Franco in this blog.. the little blue Devil. Haha. No, no .. this is not a review. I am sorry, laymank.

I had a weird dream of Franco yesterday – involving a regatta tournament, company trip, running out of battery… so.. I think I better blog about him.

Some people asked, how did Franco get his name?

I tried to search for the conversation in my MSN on the naming of Franco but I think I must have deleted it by accident.

If my memory does not fail me, this was how the name came about.

Sailor Boy: Eh you have to name your little device ah.. so when you reach the big “O” you can scream out the name.

Me: Crazy!

SB: Don’t be shy ah… since it’s blue in color….

Me: Name it Smurf? Smurf is blue in color what.

SB: Smurf is a bit anti-climax, don’t you think.

Me: Yeah.. I wouldn’t wanna fuck a super dwarf. Have to think of a villain name.. perhaps… Mr Gargamel?

SB: LOL!!!!!

Me: Eh.. come to think of it … there is only one female Smurf.. Smurfette.. where have all the female Smurfs gone? I think the Smurfs are either gays or Smurfette is one helluva lucky bitch!

* A quick check on wikipedia.. there was actually another female… Granny Smurf????

SB: LOL!!!!!

Me: Cannot ah… Mr Gargamel sounds so complicated. Might get tongue twisted when screaming out his name.. some more he look like Mr Bean.. I don’t think I wanna screw Mr Bean…

SB: Aiyoh… choose some handsome celebrity lah. I know all girls love Brad Pitt.

Me: No lah.. Brad Pitt is hot.. but I don’t really fancy the name… Tom Cruise jumped like a monkey on Oprah’s couch.. so he’s out…hmmph.. how about James Franco?

SB: Who is James Franco?

Me: The guy who acted in Flyboys.. and also the villain in Spiderman ah!!

SB: Oh!!

Me: Oh yeah.. let’s call him Franco then.

SB: Franco the Vibrator. Gina the Alligator. LOL!!!

I know it’s a bit sick… but I guess the conversation went on something along these lines… so, that was how Franco got his name.

14 Comments | In: Humour | tags: franco, james franco. | #
Posted by Gina

Feeling somewhat demovitated to write about happy stuffs. So, this is a lazy post on remarks my friends and I made over the past one week.

#1 On the bullshit about men prefer their women to be independent

Me: coz men like to feel we are in need of them
Me: that is why ah, men - even though they like independent women
Me: say only
Me: but actually they are very intimidated by independent women
Me: and they will somehow or rather
Me: go for women who somehow give them feel that, they are needed in some ways

#2 To reiterate how much I loathe hiking

Me: no joke man
Me: the one in KK
Me: sekali you see the steps
Me: you swear at God and ask him to use lightning to strike you and toast you on the spot

#3 On Franco

Friend: lol, I tot you got a new ‘device’
Me: i no time to fuck the thing yet
Friend: give him a fuck la
Me: lol
Me: but i think think ah
Me: quite pathetic
Me: go fuck a stick
Me: pathetic nya.. i better be a nun
Friend: ei, better than fuck the banana or cucumber ok
Friend: haha
Me: hahaha

#4 On election

Me: got one MCA lady
Me: go have karaoke instead of ceramah worr
Friend: hehe..who?
Me: said better to sing than to listen to ceramah
Me: she also know it’s nonsense
Friend: karaoke as a way/strategy mar…hehehehe
Me: Yong Peng state seat incumbent Lim Kee Moi, also known as the “Karaoke YB” among her constituents, said that she and her team were busy singing at events organised by the people.
Me: i want to vomit
Friend: hahahahahahaha
Me: the country is going into the dumps
Friend: reallly TIUUUUUUU one
Me: she karaoke
Me: @#$%^&*
Me: “Once they finish work they relax and many of them sing,” she said, adding that her favourite song was a Mandarin number by the late Teresa Teng titled Tian Mi Mi (Very Sweet or Happiness).
Friend: mahhhhhhh chow haiiii
Friend: lol
Friend: tian mi mi somemore….tiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

#5 On current development in the office (The big boss wants everyone to stay till 8 pm to work)

Colleague: so now he wants to play Slave Driver eh
Me: yeah
Me: why not we all get him a WHIP for his bday
Colleague: and a dildo
Me: yeah
Me: to stick it up his ass
Colleague: a freaking gigantic one
Colleague: another one for his mouth
Colleague: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: Got hairy dildo or not? Want him to choke on some bulu

5 Comments | In: Bitch & Whine | tags: franco, james franco. | #
Posted by Gina

Many, many years ago, after college, I was in Seremban to spend some time with a dear friend before she set foot to Perth to pursue Pharmacy. She took me to this temple and claimed that, it’s very “leng”; as in, the gods may grant you wishes of your hearts. So, off we went to Kao Chim (Chinese fortune sticks).

For girls – I can assure you that, whenever they go for all sorts of fortune telling, 99% of the time, they would be asking about love luck. Being young at 19, I didn’t know what to ask for so – I ask the majority questions that girls would ask when doing kao chim. The old caretaker there told me; if I don’t meet someone during the coming Mid Autumn’s Festivals, I will not meet anyone for a long, long time. How long? I ask. He said with a bored face; an undisclosed long, long, long time. Till I am in my 50s? He was annoyed.

Shae was enthusiastic when she heard over the radio that those born under the sign of the Dragon this year has so much peach blossom luck. She wrote me an e-mail.

Shae:

Morning ah
Eh I heard from the radio today on luck for those born in the year of Dragon. Apparently those who are born in the year of the Dragon will have peach blossom luck leh. So that means you also have lor. On love, those who are still single will have his/her Ms or Mr Right. Wahahahhaha…. So good news for you ah.

Me:
Eh. They every year also say dragons got peach blossom luck, ok! YEAR AFTER YEAR! I am already 32 and there is still no peach blossom luck. It’s STUPID one lah. Don’t believe lah.

Shae:
Maybe this year different leh.. .hahhaha…

One night, not too long ago, I went to a reunion dinner with my ex colleagues. In the midst of chatter, Chubby received a phone call from a friend. The friend asked Chubby to go to Thean Hou temple with her to pray for luck in love. I eavesdropped some of her conversation.

Chubby: Have to bring flowers one worr… I heard from my colleague ah…… one flower enough…… then you tell the Yuet Lou Yeh ah.. you want to find a good husband…. then tell him to help you to tie the red string… for one year lah….. uh huh…..

My curiosity was aroused.

I called up this ex colleague of mine to enquire.

She said: You bring three stalks of flowers ah. One to represent yourself, one to represent your future husband and one to represent the match maker….

Me: Who is the matchmaker ah? You is it??

She said: No lah. Siao! The Kuan Yin lah!

Me: Oh…. do we need to do rituals like the one in See Yeh* temple?

*I remember once I went to See Yeh temple in Petaling Street on the pretext to pray for my final exams. Since I have already taken the exams, the caretaker insisted that I prayed for luck in love instead. I remember I bought some fruits to be offered to the Gods and paid some money to have paper effigies, candles and joss sticks dangling over my head while I knelt down and then, the offerings were burned. LOL. Come to think about that, I never felt so silly in my life.

She said: No ritual one. Just go there, bring your three flowers – don’t buy roses ah! Got thorns! Later not good for your marriage.

Me: Then buy what flowers ah?

She said: Buy lah those meant for prayers one.. like chrysanthemums.

Me: Can buy sunflower or not? Make it more ONG!

She said: Up to you lah. As long as it’s not roses. I guarantee you ah….. in 6 months ah.. you will get boyfriend! Guarantee!

*Chuckles*

Girls! Some really go for the extra mile when it comes to finding love. I was just joking the other day about nasi kangkang with some of my friends and wonder does it really work? I recalled one desperate measure to see the face of my future husband and ended up being conned.

Believe you me. After this post, many ladies will be making a beeline to Thean Hou Temple to offer flowers this weekend. Since my friend guaranteed this will work, I should have done it earlier to avoid making chai ngor again on Chap Goh Meh – the Lunar Calendar’s Valentine’s Day! My sis commented that it’s surely a bad sign that I was making chai ngor on both Valentine’s Day this year. It’s like sealing my fate of being a “vegetarian for life” (“Sek cheong chai”) – in short; spinster. That’s what Franco is for, right? (In Yuin’s words - All he needs are batteries, doesn’t complain and delivers every time. Lol)

P.S. And Chap Goh Meh happened to be my Chinese birth date. Double sigh.

8 Comments | In: Bitch & Whine | tags: franco, james franco. | #
Posted by Gina

Yesterday after having breakfast, I remember I wiped my mouth. When it was about lunch time, I was walking to the car with my sister and she looked at me with disgust.

Sis: My gawd! You had something for breakfast this morning that you eat with Kampong Koh Cili??

Me: How you know ah?

Sis: You have a dot of chili sauce at the corner of your lips lah! Aiyah! Why you so sia sui one? Never wash mouth after eating?

Me: Where where?? *Frantically wipe my mouth with my hands*

Sis: Eeeyehhh! It’s still there! Is your boss in today?

Me: Yes, he is… aiyoh.. sia sui betul!!!!

Sis: Now only you know ah. You freaking slob.

I think my sloppiness is getting alarming. I hardly comb my hair to office – because it’s such a huge pile of unruly hair that no amount of gel or wax could tame. The only way to tame my hair is hair wash, follow by blow dry and tease with leave-on conditioner. It’s too tedious to be doing this every morning. My round face cannot carry the out-of-bed look and it’s more like always never-out-of-bed even if I did try to tame my mane . It’s a good thing that my boss only rates me based on my performance and not my appearance.

I still remember once when I was in college, my face was infested with mother-of-all-pimples, I had to apply calamine lotion for rashes on my face. Totally forgotten about it, I went out to the shop with white patches on my face and it didn’t seem to bother me one bit. Sigh. I am a girl; I should start behaving like one.

So I guess it’s no surprise that my friends got me some grooming kit for my birthday – a comb! (hahahah!), body wash, body cream, perfume, soap, lotion, etc. This is a very obvious hint already. Okay! I get the point!

On somewhat related matter, someone got me a battery-operated device (nicknamed Franco, the device, not the person) to remind me of more lonely nights to come. He added he wanted to get me an edible underwear but who’s gonna eat it? Thanks. Tell me something I do not know, please. I guess I am destined to make chai ngor every Valentine’s Day but next time, after making chai ngor, at least I am rest assured that I will have Franco for company. I just have to make sure the battery is still working.

14 Comments | In: Bitch & Whine, Humour | tags: franco, james franco. | #
Posted by Gina

I was at the Bed – the club made popular by the series – Sex and the City.

I took a seat.. or rather, a bed and soon, I was lying down with a gorgeous hunk. I couldn’t really remember how he looked like but nothing short of a Greek God in Armani Suit. I could remember his smile though. Exactly like James Franco’s. Simply delicious.

There were many tall and slim girls walking around trying to entice him but he focused his full attention on me. I was really flattered.

Him: I am a lawyer by the way.

Me: A lawyer! Christ! I have very bad experiences with lawyers!

Him: Oh come on. I think I deserve a chance. One bad apple doesn’t mean the whole tree is rotten!

Me: Let me think about it.

The conversation was a bit hazy but I think I did mentioned something about not trusting men from the internet or something. Must be having too much Champagne.

We exchanged call cards and promised to keep in touch.

I was crossing the road with a friend. As I was crossing the road, we were chatting and suddenly, I blurted out to her in between conversations:-

“I don’t like men who drink too much. As age is catching up, I think I would prefer somebody who is pious.”

Then I woke up. I could feel shivers running down my spine.

Must be imagination ran wild while I was in Lang Tengah last weekend for a short getaway. But pious??? Where did that come from??

Whatever it is, I wish I never had woken up when I was in bed with a Greek God.

8 Comments | In: Dreams, Journey of the Soul | tags: franco, james franco. | #
Posted by Gina