December 31st, 2008 at 12:01 am

2008, The Year That Was


How time flies! I still can’t believe today is the last day of 2008! It was as if I just had the salmon muffin at Coffee bean at One U yesterday!

2008 was quite an eventful year, even if I do sometimes feel the same things keep repeating themselves. Most of the repetitive things are good, so I am not complaining.

2008 is definitely a year of change. For a start, the nation was in shock on March 8 on the outcome of the election. People from all walks of life rejoiced in miracle of humbling the ruling party by denying them 2/3 majority. However, as of today, after 9 months later, you still see squabbles on the main stream media. For all you know, it’s all bullshit. That is why it has been more than a year since the last time I bought newspapers. Let’s hope that things would get better and those people would concentrate on the economy and needs of the people and not, who should rule the country.

The year started with a bang, going on road trips with the best of friends. Then throughout the year, I went on a number of trips both overseas and locals. Well, I am still missing Melbourne for its laid backness and awe stuck beautiful scenery. If God is willing, I have no qualms to visit this place again!

I learned to cook a few dishes and was pleasantly surprised that I actually have flair in cooking. Hehe! Tak tau malu! Just last week, my colleagues asked my mom to make her signature chili dip to go with the BBQ. Since mom was away, my sis and I were put to be in charge of the chili dip. I am glad that colleagues liked it. They even say, the dip we made is so much better compare to the famous chicken rice seller’s in Selayang. Don’t know how true that is! But flattery will get you everywhere.. so I guess in more BBQs to come, probably I would be entrusted to make this signature dip for them.

I find that, I don’t have to waste my time on friends who don’t appreciate friendship or an honest opinion.

What I read on “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch rings true. “When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you. When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love and care for you, and want to make you better.”

So… if I tend to be too naggy at times (Sorry, can’t help it! It’s genetic!), please forgive me, and what the late Mr Pausch (God bless his soul) say is true…I still love and care for you and want to make you better.

Well, tonight, I would be in the company of a few very good people, toasting to the new year. Here, I wish you a very Happy new Year 2009. Hope that this coming year’s economy would not be too hard on you and hope the political parties could just snap out from their childish squabbles to actually pay attention to the country’s needs.

For those who are still single and lonely, I wish you much, much love. For those who are sick, I hope you would find the perseverance and blessings to fight on. For those who lost a loved one, to remember that there are still people around you who love you just the same if not more. For those who are downright broke, I can’t help you because I don’t print money! LOL! Time to get your priorities right and maybe, a good financial planning?

Again, Happy New Year 2009!



11 Comments | In: Journey of the Soul, Note to Self | tags: . | #
Posted by Gina



November 12th, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Lock, Stock & Barrel


I remember a friend used to tell me that she always takes all her friends as lock, stock and barrel. For better or worse, she said, her friends will always be her friends. It befuddled me because I find the company she was with is full of flaws.

For instant, one of the friends she always hang out with, always owe her money. Even when her own financial is tight as she is a single mother with two children, she would willingly fork out money every time whenever they go out and sometimes, she doesn’t even remember that this person pays her back. As usual, this friend would “conveniently” forget his wallet at every occasion whenever we go out.

Sometimes, I see her doing a lot of things without getting any appreciation. She would meticulously plan a birthday party for a person – doing everything including sorting out invitations and marinating the chicken for BBQ to cleaning up after the party. Yet, the friend she threw party for did not even acknowledge her effort. The moment this friend found new love, she would take the back seat as if she never existed at the first place.

Then another friend from Penang who is a big creep. Every time he came to visit, they would go out for supper, he won’t even offer to pay at least ONCE when she brought along her children for a glass of teh tarik and some roti canai. Talk about being such a cheapskate! It’s not fine dining! And this creep expects her to fetch him from the bus stop to the hotel whenever he comes to KL to visit her.

I was pissed whenever she relay such incidences to me. I find that she was being used. She would laugh; seeing me in utter wrath and said, “Never mind. They are still my friends. Remember.. I take my friends as lock, stock and barrel.”

I told her as a matter of fact, she doesn’t need these friends. It would be best to remain alone than to have friends to live off you or taking you for granted. Of course, not all her friends are bad. I just hope that she would be more selective in befriending people and not to let people walk over her just because she is just too nice!

I attended a friend’s wedding recently. It was weird that he has not many friends despite his funny and friendly demeanor. So I was lucky to be one of his very few friends. His best friend – some guy I dreaded to meet simply because he talks too loud and sometimes, could be embarrassing to be seen with him in public, came to the wedding as the emcee as well as the best man.

They knew each other for over 20 years and despite both of them not being perfect (they bitched to me about each other), they still remain tight as brothers till today. It was touching to see a best friend giving speech about you in the wedding, such once in a lifetime occasion and be part of the memory that would last forever.

Then I came to reassess the friends that I am mingling with now. Some are very insensitive and say most hurtful things (I know I am one too!), some may try to piss me off for no apparent reason, some simply are too gullible and subject themselves to mercy of other friends, some are overly blinded by love to even think that their friends still exist, some are manic depressive, some taking me for granted, some trying to please me all the time (this type I like! Haha!), etc.

As I am listing down the “flaws” of my hapless friends, I came to realize that, I myself am not a perfect friend; so why would I impose such perfections on my friends? I don’t even try to “shorten” the amount of time of me bearing grudges. EVERYBODY knows that I bear grudges for the longest time, probably for life!

I could still remember once a housemate and I quarreled over some matters. I avoided bumping into her for a few days because I was pissed mad. After a few days of silence, I came home from college and saw her coming out from the kitchen. Our eyes met and suddenly, she just shoved a banana to my face and said, “Lei Oi Yak Jiu Mou?” (Cantonese: Do you want to eat banana?)

I struggled hard to remain stone cold, trying not to respond to her amusing break-the-ice remark. But that day, I was glad that I checked my ego outside before I came into the house and Boy! We laughed! Then, we made a promise not to get upset over small, petty problems anymore and vowed to be best friends forever.

I firmly believe one need not many friends in this life. It would be adequate to have just a handful of good quality friends that could see you through the ups and downs in life.

That is why from now onwards, I will try my best to eat the humble pie before I pass judgment on someone else.

I surely hope when friendships turn sour because of one’s hurtful words or actions, I would be the one to take initiative to apologize, regardless if I am right or wrong to make things right. Despite my shortcomings, I certainly hope my friends would be kind enough to take me as lock, stock and barrel.

PS. But don’t expect the “eat banana” phrase could be used under ALL circumstances. It depends on how much affection I have for you. LOL!



7 Comments | In: Contemplation, Journey of the Soul | tags: , . | #
Posted by Gina



October 11th, 2008 at 5:55 am

Favorite Five #5


Frienemy was published on 18 November 2005.

I got this word from an article in the Star a few months ago. I couldn’t help but flinched at the thought of having frienemies.

Frienemy is a word derived from Friend + Enemy. I might sound like a bloody hypocrite if I say I don’t have a frienenemy. Frankly speaking, I think everyone does have a frienemy, whether they realize it or not.

Lai Ma once told me she had a good time with her classmates in school and how they always asked her to be in the group whenever they go out for an outing. It didn’t look that rosy on the other side of the story. Some shallow friends even had the cheek to tell me that, they were merely using her because she was the only one with a bigger car, That was the sole reason that they hang out with her. I was shocked beyond words and thought of ways to break it to her subtly.

I cautiously warned her to be careful and always keep her eyes wide open when it comes to having friends – to check if they have ulterior motives. But she seemed happy that she was able to go out with the popular gang and chided me for being a wet blanket or accused me for being obviously jealous of her hanging out kakis. I dismissed this as an utter waste of time and let her do as she pleased till she discovered about the ugly truth herself.

A friend once told me, “I am not going to burn my bridges. Who knows, I might need her help in the future?” when I told her to ignore the friend who has been giving her hell by being ridiculously pretentious. Yes – I agree. No man is an island, we are interconnected with each other, it’s Hobson’s choice.

But how far can you tolerate your frienemy?

For example, how could you keep a friend who seemed to be very nice to you and yet laughed behind your back? How could you keep a friend, who always have breakfast with you on weekends, yet bad mouthed about your bad taste in men? How could you keep a friend who tells the world about your affair with other people’s husbands? How could you keep a friend, who always bring you down and never offer a word of comfort? How could you be friends with a friend who never see good in others? How could you tolerate friends who always take advantage of you because you are just too nice? How much longer can you tolerate friends who never offer help when you needed it the most?

I cannot tolerate this kind of friendship – I would rather end the friendship. Some people might think I could say that because I have so many friends. I do have many friends as I believe, if you like your friends to treat you good, you should start by being good to them. Good begets good. Evil begets evil. Many is just a number – it is not important. I would prefer to have quality friends, which I am grateful to say, most of my friends are.

One thing about me is, when I give my friendship – I give it wholeheartedly. If I think my friendship does not mean anything to you, I maintain my distance.

I have my own way to deal with my friends. I would give my friends personal attention. I remember your likes and dislikes, your mom’s specialty dish, your medical appointments, your most embarrassing moments, your preference for tomato ketchup instead of chilli sauce, etc and would not hesitate if you need a helping hand. I remember every word you tell me. And whether you like or not, I give you a piece of my mind to keep you in touch with reality and both your feet firmly on the ground, rather than bitching about you behind your back.

It simply amazes me that certain friends are able to tolerate someone they loathe so much and still hang out with them occasionally. I would rather stay put at home, with a good book or watch some tv than to waste time listening to their non sensical crap and feeding their empty ego. Sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss. Instead of putting a superficial face and treat as if nothing has happened, I would rather avoid this kind of friends like a plague. I think it is a sheer waste of time to be with people who don’t appreciate you for who you are.

I am not painting a picture of myself being holier than thou either. I didn’t say I am all goodie goodie. I am also human and I would bad mouth about other friends to others – which I think is a tasteless tactic of oneself and I should stop doing so, which I eventually did and asked for forgiveness.

As I grow older (and wiser – hopefully), I find it easier to forgive people for their shortcomings and look within myself to improve the areas that I am lacking, so I would be a better friend. We cannot change the behavior in others – but we could take the initiative to change ourselves.

Since it is unavoidable, (the “No Man’s an Island” theory) it is alright to have frienemies. I guess as long as we play our cards right, we have nothing to worry about. As long as you don’t let them get to you, it is fine. If it is going beyond that, and started to challenge your beliefs and sanity, I guess it is better to cut loose. Illustratively speaking, it is better to lose an arm with leprosy, rather than keeping it and letting it spread to the entire body.



7 Comments | In: Contemplation, Journey of the Soul | | #
Posted by Gina



October 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am

Favorite Five #3


A Better Woman originally posted on 27 September 2005.

I had a friend back in secondary school. She was quite an alright person if she didn’t start boasting. She was the laughing stock in school due to the size of her breasts. They are (still) damn huge. Hence, she was nicknamed Lai Ma.

After Form 5, we went on our separate ways. We didn’t really keep in touch, but occasionally, she would drop by your house and started talking non stop about how wonderful her life is. Since she likes to blow her own trumpet way too often, most friends avoided her like a plague.

A few weekends ago, after a few years of silence, she came to my house by surprise. Too late to use my old tricks of shoving my sister to the gate and lying to her that I was not in, I opened the gate for her. She was making eye contact with me and then looked at her Altis.

“Oh no.. not again,” I think to myself.

Letting her in my house was a big mistake. She suffocating me with her non-stop self praising propaganda – She now has a boyfriend who owns an antique shop, (She changes her bf all the time – from Aussie businessman to some cinapek from her college), drives an Altis, going overseas for holidays a few times a year, owns her own tuition centre, working as lecturer in some college, had been awarded the best lecturer by her students, planning to migrate to Australia for good (which I totally supported her for doing so), yiddi yiddi, yadda yadda, etc etc.

Don’t ask me what happen to the laser mouth of mine, which would definitely comes in handy in situation like this. I just left her went on and on and I tried hard to keep a straight face.

It was a lucky thing that I happened to receive many phone calls that day and that stopped her from continuing and left my house.

I was not jealous or whatsoever. In fact, I was very glad she is doing well. But why does she had to be so boastful and condescending? She might be boastful now - all these things are impermanent. They might be taken away from her someday. She should be thankful to God for all these and try to help others with her wealth and achievements, instead of bragging.

Everyone has his/her own life. Everyone sets different life standards, expectations and has different needs. We cannot be always setting our bench mark on someone elses’ achievements as we are all very individual and special people with different capabilities. I learnt these wise words from the Monk, who wrote in my autograph book back in 1993, which contained such profound advice:-

“Don’t always envy people who have good things. If God allows you to live in this world, it means, he is blessing you in this life. Sometimes, I find that you like to compare yourself with others. I don’t consider it wrong but I’ll advise you against it as it would only let you down. But you may make comparison of your old self and your present self, and you would be surprised to find - how wonderful you are.”

Not bad considering he was only 18 and I was only 17 at that point of time.

I used to compare a lot with others when I was younger and had subjected myself to a few miserable years of life. Thank goodness, I came to my senses - I decided to fuck it and as long as I enjoy my life - even if it means I might have to take bus, instead of driving a car; or maybe go on local holidays, rather than overseas, this is my life and it is not anyone else’s business. Despite lack of material wealth (actually I am just lousy in managing my finances), I guess I am content and happy with my supportive family and friends.

My thoughts inadvertently drifted to my suicidal friend. She, on the other hand, could not accept this. She always thought everyone is far better than her; drive better car, get better pay, possess better capabilities, have better family, boyfriends, beauty, etc. She cannot accept the fact that certain things cannot be changed and was consumed with so much envy. That is why she fell off the edge. May God bless her soul.

Be thankful for what we have. Learn to laugh at our own weaknesses, make the most of everything and try to look at the brighter side of life.



4 Comments | In: Contemplation, Journey of the Soul | | #
Posted by Gina



September 3rd, 2008 at 11:31 pm

In Loving Memory


Light at the end of the tunnel

Light, go to the light…

It has been three years
Since you’ve been gone
Things are pretty much the same
The way it used to be
Difference is
You are not here
To be with us
In this mediocrity

I still remember
The day we went to Melaka
You being car sick
Vomit all over the seat
I gave you the disgusted look
You looked apologetic
You wonder if I could be sympathetic
Or I would hate you for this

I felt sympathy for you
Yet, wonder why you came along
Since you don’t belong
For a journey this long
You were sick to the bones
All the way
From the crocodiles in still waters
To the rhino’s cage

Yet, I wish you were still here
To join us
Never mind if you will be sick
Never mind if you soil the car seat
We just want you to be at our side
Cracking jokes and juicy bits
Over a glass of teh tarik
and a plate of nasi paprik

We miss you dearly
Hope things are alright
Over the other side
May God forgive and
Bless your wretched soul
In the loving memory
Of Agnes Soh
Our hearts will always have you



8 Comments | In: Journey of the Soul | | #
Posted by Gina



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