December 2nd, 2008 at 1:11 am

God Is Smiling


When I came home from grocery shopping at 8.05 pm, I saw my cousin sis and the kids were loitering at the house compound. Curious on what they were doing, I signaled them to open the gate. They could barely contain their excitement!

I saw my cousin sis holding my camera and my instincts were to get down the car and smacked her on her head for fooling around with my prized possession.

Then only I realized that, the sky displayed a unique arrangement tonight.

God is Smiling

Doesn’t this look like, as if God is smiling?

In bad times like these – the financial turmoil, the great recession, the terrorist attack in Mumbai, landslide in Kuala Kubu Baru, drought almost everywhere, etc, I guess it’s comforting to know that the Divine  somehow would never forsake us.

Let’s hope for better days soon.

Update: Apparently, the two stars you saw are planets Jupiter and Venus. Click here for some interesting read up! :D

PS. This marked my 300th post in the blog!



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Posted by Gina



November 12th, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Lock, Stock & Barrel


I remember a friend used to tell me that she always takes all her friends as lock, stock and barrel. For better or worse, she said, her friends will always be her friends. It befuddled me because I find the company she was with is full of flaws.

For instant, one of the friends she always hang out with, always owe her money. Even when her own financial is tight as she is a single mother with two children, she would willingly fork out money every time whenever they go out and sometimes, she doesn’t even remember that this person pays her back. As usual, this friend would “conveniently” forget his wallet at every occasion whenever we go out.

Sometimes, I see her doing a lot of things without getting any appreciation. She would meticulously plan a birthday party for a person – doing everything including sorting out invitations and marinating the chicken for BBQ to cleaning up after the party. Yet, the friend she threw party for did not even acknowledge her effort. The moment this friend found new love, she would take the back seat as if she never existed at the first place.

Then another friend from Penang who is a big creep. Every time he came to visit, they would go out for supper, he won’t even offer to pay at least ONCE when she brought along her children for a glass of teh tarik and some roti canai. Talk about being such a cheapskate! It’s not fine dining! And this creep expects her to fetch him from the bus stop to the hotel whenever he comes to KL to visit her.

I was pissed whenever she relay such incidences to me. I find that she was being used. She would laugh; seeing me in utter wrath and said, “Never mind. They are still my friends. Remember.. I take my friends as lock, stock and barrel.”

I told her as a matter of fact, she doesn’t need these friends. It would be best to remain alone than to have friends to live off you or taking you for granted. Of course, not all her friends are bad. I just hope that she would be more selective in befriending people and not to let people walk over her just because she is just too nice!

I attended a friend’s wedding recently. It was weird that he has not many friends despite his funny and friendly demeanor. So I was lucky to be one of his very few friends. His best friend – some guy I dreaded to meet simply because he talks too loud and sometimes, could be embarrassing to be seen with him in public, came to the wedding as the emcee as well as the best man.

They knew each other for over 20 years and despite both of them not being perfect (they bitched to me about each other), they still remain tight as brothers till today. It was touching to see a best friend giving speech about you in the wedding, such once in a lifetime occasion and be part of the memory that would last forever.

Then I came to reassess the friends that I am mingling with now. Some are very insensitive and say most hurtful things (I know I am one too!), some may try to piss me off for no apparent reason, some simply are too gullible and subject themselves to mercy of other friends, some are overly blinded by love to even think that their friends still exist, some are manic depressive, some taking me for granted, some trying to please me all the time (this type I like! Haha!), etc.

As I am listing down the “flaws” of my hapless friends, I came to realize that, I myself am not a perfect friend; so why would I impose such perfections on my friends? I don’t even try to “shorten” the amount of time of me bearing grudges. EVERYBODY knows that I bear grudges for the longest time, probably for life!

I could still remember once a housemate and I quarreled over some matters. I avoided bumping into her for a few days because I was pissed mad. After a few days of silence, I came home from college and saw her coming out from the kitchen. Our eyes met and suddenly, she just shoved a banana to my face and said, “Lei Oi Yak Jiu Mou?” (Cantonese: Do you want to eat banana?)

I struggled hard to remain stone cold, trying not to respond to her amusing break-the-ice remark. But that day, I was glad that I checked my ego outside before I came into the house and Boy! We laughed! Then, we made a promise not to get upset over small, petty problems anymore and vowed to be best friends forever.

I firmly believe one need not many friends in this life. It would be adequate to have just a handful of good quality friends that could see you through the ups and downs in life.

That is why from now onwards, I will try my best to eat the humble pie before I pass judgment on someone else.

I surely hope when friendships turn sour because of one’s hurtful words or actions, I would be the one to take initiative to apologize, regardless if I am right or wrong to make things right. Despite my shortcomings, I certainly hope my friends would be kind enough to take me as lock, stock and barrel.

PS. But don’t expect the “eat banana” phrase could be used under ALL circumstances. It depends on how much affection I have for you. LOL!



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Posted by Gina



October 11th, 2008 at 5:55 am

Favorite Five #5


Frienemy was published on 18 November 2005.

I got this word from an article in the Star a few months ago. I couldn’t help but flinched at the thought of having frienemies.

Frienemy is a word derived from Friend + Enemy. I might sound like a bloody hypocrite if I say I don’t have a frienenemy. Frankly speaking, I think everyone does have a frienemy, whether they realize it or not.

Lai Ma once told me she had a good time with her classmates in school and how they always asked her to be in the group whenever they go out for an outing. It didn’t look that rosy on the other side of the story. Some shallow friends even had the cheek to tell me that, they were merely using her because she was the only one with a bigger car, That was the sole reason that they hang out with her. I was shocked beyond words and thought of ways to break it to her subtly.

I cautiously warned her to be careful and always keep her eyes wide open when it comes to having friends – to check if they have ulterior motives. But she seemed happy that she was able to go out with the popular gang and chided me for being a wet blanket or accused me for being obviously jealous of her hanging out kakis. I dismissed this as an utter waste of time and let her do as she pleased till she discovered about the ugly truth herself.

A friend once told me, “I am not going to burn my bridges. Who knows, I might need her help in the future?” when I told her to ignore the friend who has been giving her hell by being ridiculously pretentious. Yes – I agree. No man is an island, we are interconnected with each other, it’s Hobson’s choice.

But how far can you tolerate your frienemy?

For example, how could you keep a friend who seemed to be very nice to you and yet laughed behind your back? How could you keep a friend, who always have breakfast with you on weekends, yet bad mouthed about your bad taste in men? How could you keep a friend who tells the world about your affair with other people’s husbands? How could you keep a friend, who always bring you down and never offer a word of comfort? How could you be friends with a friend who never see good in others? How could you tolerate friends who always take advantage of you because you are just too nice? How much longer can you tolerate friends who never offer help when you needed it the most?

I cannot tolerate this kind of friendship – I would rather end the friendship. Some people might think I could say that because I have so many friends. I do have many friends as I believe, if you like your friends to treat you good, you should start by being good to them. Good begets good. Evil begets evil. Many is just a number – it is not important. I would prefer to have quality friends, which I am grateful to say, most of my friends are.

One thing about me is, when I give my friendship – I give it wholeheartedly. If I think my friendship does not mean anything to you, I maintain my distance.

I have my own way to deal with my friends. I would give my friends personal attention. I remember your likes and dislikes, your mom’s specialty dish, your medical appointments, your most embarrassing moments, your preference for tomato ketchup instead of chilli sauce, etc and would not hesitate if you need a helping hand. I remember every word you tell me. And whether you like or not, I give you a piece of my mind to keep you in touch with reality and both your feet firmly on the ground, rather than bitching about you behind your back.

It simply amazes me that certain friends are able to tolerate someone they loathe so much and still hang out with them occasionally. I would rather stay put at home, with a good book or watch some tv than to waste time listening to their non sensical crap and feeding their empty ego. Sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss. Instead of putting a superficial face and treat as if nothing has happened, I would rather avoid this kind of friends like a plague. I think it is a sheer waste of time to be with people who don’t appreciate you for who you are.

I am not painting a picture of myself being holier than thou either. I didn’t say I am all goodie goodie. I am also human and I would bad mouth about other friends to others – which I think is a tasteless tactic of oneself and I should stop doing so, which I eventually did and asked for forgiveness.

As I grow older (and wiser – hopefully), I find it easier to forgive people for their shortcomings and look within myself to improve the areas that I am lacking, so I would be a better friend. We cannot change the behavior in others – but we could take the initiative to change ourselves.

Since it is unavoidable, (the “No Man’s an Island” theory) it is alright to have frienemies. I guess as long as we play our cards right, we have nothing to worry about. As long as you don’t let them get to you, it is fine. If it is going beyond that, and started to challenge your beliefs and sanity, I guess it is better to cut loose. Illustratively speaking, it is better to lose an arm with leprosy, rather than keeping it and letting it spread to the entire body.



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Posted by Gina



October 8th, 2008 at 5:55 am

Favorite Five #4


Making the Right Choice originally posted on 30 June 2006.

Over the weekend, a friend of my sister’s came to stay for a night. She was a long time friend since my sister’s university days. Most old friends gathered in Kuala Lumpur to attend one of their good friends’ wedding.

As usual, the outstation people would bunk in some other available friends’ home and there would be long chatting sessions over the night.

This friend’s sister has a history of domestic violence. Her husband hit her a number of times throughout their few years of marriage and she didn’t lodge a police report. Till recently, it was too detrimental to be ignored. She was slashed by a parang from her face to her collar bone. The husband is now in jail, waiting for court hearing and punishment.

He wrote a number of letters to the sister to seek forgiveness. Can you forgive someone whom you had loved so much once, but yet caused you such grievous hurt?

The children were affected badly over the years. Their five year old daughter had showed signs of anger and hatred towards the father. When asked to draw your family members; she only drew a sun and a deep dark blue sea. When asked, what did the drawing signifies; she replied – “The sun is my mother – bright and shiny. I wish I could throw my daddy in the sea to drown.” The teachers were shocked.

Love is a potent thing. It can make or break. Sometimes you could love a person for all the wrong reasons. It makes you think irrationally. You would do anything all in the name of love. They don’t call those madly in love – a LOVE FOOL for nothing.

That explains some friends ended up with very bad marriages – a drug addict husband, a violent husband, a husband that lived off your hard earned money, a promiscuous wife, a gambler wife, an alcoholic wife, etc.

A friend once said, I am a commitment phobic. Sometimes I wonder if this is true, when most friends surrounding me are not happy in their marriages, they sort of put me off even thinking about it.

I know, not all marriages are bad. Some are enviable – yet, we do not have the slightest inkling on the amount of effort the couples had put into their relationship; in order to make it work.

I remember Paulo Coelho wrote in one of his many loved books (something to that effect)- “in a marriage, it is not putting each other’s needs on top of the list – it is both persons, moving together towards the same goal.” Nobody thinks alike in this world; even identical twins have certain differences between them. What more, two separate individuals.

I guess, we have to exercise great caution but not overly paranoid, when it comes to selecting someone you would like to spend the rest of your life with. The marriage might or might not last. But one thing we could be sure of, at least we have tried our best to make things work. If it goes the other way round, then it is just too bad. Nobody goes into a relationship, knowing it would break.

It doesn’t pay to be committing hastily in a relationship either, just because time is running out. It would cause you more pain than it is, and gets tired if you are the only one playing dual roles to make it work, and in the end, you would wish you were still single.

As I was watching the pretentious reality show: the Bachelor last night – I totally agree with what one of the sisters said to their gullible brother in choosing his life partner – “Choose the one that you would like to change the least”.

Such a profound advice in such a dumb reality show.



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Posted by Gina



October 5th, 2008 at 5:55 am

Favorite Five #3


A Better Woman originally posted on 27 September 2005.

I had a friend back in secondary school. She was quite an alright person if she didn’t start boasting. She was the laughing stock in school due to the size of her breasts. They are (still) damn huge. Hence, she was nicknamed Lai Ma.

After Form 5, we went on our separate ways. We didn’t really keep in touch, but occasionally, she would drop by your house and started talking non stop about how wonderful her life is. Since she likes to blow her own trumpet way too often, most friends avoided her like a plague.

A few weekends ago, after a few years of silence, she came to my house by surprise. Too late to use my old tricks of shoving my sister to the gate and lying to her that I was not in, I opened the gate for her. She was making eye contact with me and then looked at her Altis.

“Oh no.. not again,” I think to myself.

Letting her in my house was a big mistake. She suffocating me with her non-stop self praising propaganda – She now has a boyfriend who owns an antique shop, (She changes her bf all the time – from Aussie businessman to some cinapek from her college), drives an Altis, going overseas for holidays a few times a year, owns her own tuition centre, working as lecturer in some college, had been awarded the best lecturer by her students, planning to migrate to Australia for good (which I totally supported her for doing so), yiddi yiddi, yadda yadda, etc etc.

Don’t ask me what happen to the laser mouth of mine, which would definitely comes in handy in situation like this. I just left her went on and on and I tried hard to keep a straight face.

It was a lucky thing that I happened to receive many phone calls that day and that stopped her from continuing and left my house.

I was not jealous or whatsoever. In fact, I was very glad she is doing well. But why does she had to be so boastful and condescending? She might be boastful now - all these things are impermanent. They might be taken away from her someday. She should be thankful to God for all these and try to help others with her wealth and achievements, instead of bragging.

Everyone has his/her own life. Everyone sets different life standards, expectations and has different needs. We cannot be always setting our bench mark on someone elses’ achievements as we are all very individual and special people with different capabilities. I learnt these wise words from the Monk, who wrote in my autograph book back in 1993, which contained such profound advice:-

“Don’t always envy people who have good things. If God allows you to live in this world, it means, he is blessing you in this life. Sometimes, I find that you like to compare yourself with others. I don’t consider it wrong but I’ll advise you against it as it would only let you down. But you may make comparison of your old self and your present self, and you would be surprised to find - how wonderful you are.”

Not bad considering he was only 18 and I was only 17 at that point of time.

I used to compare a lot with others when I was younger and had subjected myself to a few miserable years of life. Thank goodness, I came to my senses - I decided to fuck it and as long as I enjoy my life - even if it means I might have to take bus, instead of driving a car; or maybe go on local holidays, rather than overseas, this is my life and it is not anyone else’s business. Despite lack of material wealth (actually I am just lousy in managing my finances), I guess I am content and happy with my supportive family and friends.

My thoughts inadvertently drifted to my suicidal friend. She, on the other hand, could not accept this. She always thought everyone is far better than her; drive better car, get better pay, possess better capabilities, have better family, boyfriends, beauty, etc. She cannot accept the fact that certain things cannot be changed and was consumed with so much envy. That is why she fell off the edge. May God bless her soul.

Be thankful for what we have. Learn to laugh at our own weaknesses, make the most of everything and try to look at the brighter side of life.



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Posted by Gina



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