Hwang Pah Dan


A few moments ago, my handphone rang. A Chinese woman spoke to me in heavy China-Mandarin accent. The following conversation was in Mandarin.

China woman: Wei, I am calling from XYZ company. I want to do survey on tv shows, can you spare me 1 minute of your time?

Me: Err… sorry… my Mandarin is not good.

China woman: It’s ok. I can use simple Mandarin.

Me: Err.. sorry….

China woman: Just take one minute to do this survey.. blah blah .. blah blah……

Me: Err.. sorry.. but I don’t have time.

China woman: You small duck head*! Say earlier lah! @#$$^&**&

Me: HWANG PAH DAN!!!!!!!!

* Direct translation: Siao Yah Dou

Then, I hung up. Laughing my ass off.

I wonder if there are anymore vulgar words in Mandarin. I seriously want to learn. Hwang pah dan is too mild!





Don’t Know Good or Bad


1. When I went to get my bi-monthly hypertensive medication, the moment I walk out from my car into the clinic, without even looking at my identity card, the nurse would start to count yellow atenolol tablets and packed them into two separate containers of 30 each. Don’t know good or bad that the nurse actually knew my prescriptions by my face.

2. When I ta pao nasi lemak on the way to work, the man in ketayap would automatically pack my nasi lemak with telur goreng and sambal kerang. I just need to get out from the car, say thanks, collect the nasi lemak, give him exact change of RM3 and be on my way to office. I have “telur goreng and kerang” face?

3. When I was working in a management firm, every two – three months, I had to call clients to pay our secretarial fees. I remember there is one particular client who would automatically tell me that the cheque is on the way the very moment she heard my “Hello”. LOL! Geez.. Perhaps, I can moonlight as a part time Ah Loong debt collector.

4. These days, I always start my conversation with “Have I told you…..” because I keep forgetting if I told the particular friend of the same incident. Don’t know good or bad to have too many friends.. actually I am in denial that this is a sign of aging.

5. Friends decided to show their “maturity” by deleting you from their Facebook friends list when they are unhappy (because of their own wrong doings actually) with you. It reminds me of my yesteryears kindergarten friends – “I don’t want to friend you!” Facebook should change its name to Lamebook. As for the so called “friends”, it’s definitely good riddance!

6. There is one particular colleague who cannot shut the fuck up even though she sees you being bloody busy with work. I was typing away some reports with a scowl on my face and I didn’t even give her any eye contact and she still stood there and told you about EVERYTHING about her that you don’t give a shit about. Don’t know good or bad that my “bored and don’t-fuck-care” face now is being taken as my poker face.

7. My boss repeats the same thing to me over and over and over again on his next day’s schedule before he leaves office every day. Maybe I look forgetful, probably slightly demented to him.

8. On the way for an appointment yesterday night, I listened to clips of the memorial service of Michael Jackson on the radio and was touched by all the testimonials. My eyes would tear whenever “I’ll be there” is sung. At night, I watched again the Memorial Service on 8tv and tears flowed again when “I’ll be there” was sung. Don’t know how long this is gonna be happening.