January 21st, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Determining Self Worth
I have been listening and giving some advices to friends for as long as I could remember. The dawn of 2008 marks a lot of changes. Most friends are at a major crossroad of their lives.
Some are planning to change to better jobs, some got “elevated” to the next level in life by getting married or became moms and dads (congratulations!), etc. Not all are good news though. Some friends are losing their jobs due to worldwide retrenchment. Some friends are finalizing their divorces from their abusive spouses. Some underwent plastic surgery even when he or she is already too beautiful. Some friends are still depressed for so many years.
Recently, a friend asked if his relationship is considered a relationship. After all, they are only having dinner once a week and they don’t go out much to see each other.
For me, a relationship is not about how many times you meet or see the person in a week. I have a friend who is in a long distance relationship for 7 years. She was doing pharmacy in Perth while her boyfriend was doing phd in Wales, UK. They only met once a year during their 7-year courtship – during Chinese New Year. Then, they went on to marry each other at the end of the seventh year and now, happily residing in Sydney with a lovely baby daughter.
I feel a relationship is when both of you are working together for a future. It’s about wanting the same thing, well almost. Wanting to spend time with each other; no matter how limited the time is. It’s about you seeing him in your future, and yourself in his. We wish everything would last forever, but this is a cruel reality that nothing last forever. So, enjoy each other’s company while it last.
Some friends are still depressed because they are being ill-treated in office. Sometimes, I am so sick and tired of listening to their grumbles that I wish I could turn the volume down when they start complaining incessantly like broken radio.
I always tell them to divert attention from their already damaged self esteem. One has to remember that jobs are only there to assist you to pay your bills and sustain your needs. Once you are off work, you should switch it all off and put on a party mode. After all, our lives are not about work alone! There are more things in life than to worry unnecessary over a job. If you don’t like the job, quit and move to a new one. As simple as that. Be prepared to perhaps take lower pay for the transition, so long you are happy.
A friend commented why am I working in this lowly menial job (answer phone calls, dealing with moronic travel agents, full time photocopy girl, making tea, gossip monger etc) when I have the necessary qualification to strive it big? I look at the company secretary in my office and other friends who are in this line working till wee hours in the morning, sometimes bringing work home to finish during the weekend, as opposed to me, probably sleeping the weekend away or going on an impromptu trips that would color my otherwise colorless life… I guess I would not trade my lowly menial job to anything. Maybe for the time being, I am just feeling lazy to take on additional responsibilities. Ah.. I admit. I am just lazy. Haha!
For friends who are depressed, I can only say one thing. Depression is merely a state of mind. I used to be very angry and depressed at the world when I was in my rebellious teens till my early young adult years. I always thought the world is always against me. Then I think I came across a statement saying, whether you are happy or sad, the world still goes round. Who gives a shit about you wallowing in self pity?? Well, the statement is not exactly like that, but the gist is there. Whether you are happy or sad, the world still goes round. So, why bother to be sad when you can be happy, right?
It’s all up to you whether how you want to make this life work for you. You may not be the most beautiful, the most handsome, the richest, the most talented, the most popular, etc but you have something called self worth.
It is you yourself who determine your own self worth and make the most of everything that you have. There is no point fretting over what you should have, or you should have done. Living in regrets or wallowing in self pity is not the answer and it would only drown you into greater despair. Look forward to other areas in life where you can improve and make every detail, no matter how minute, to work for you and try to be a better person. To the hell with what other people think.