July 9th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Seeking Happiness
The past few months at home were quite tensed. After so many months of denying that she is having a relationship with the Mechanic, she finally admitted albeit not verbally but through her actions. I gave her a hard time after the underwear episode. I decided by pulling a long face and feeling irritated all the time would not solve anything.
I decided to play the cards in a totally different way. The poor sod is now the official handyman in the house – mechanic, electrician, plumber, etc. As much as I am disgusted by my entire family for using him, I couldn’t do anything but to join the bullying pact.
I think my sister deserve a better man to spend the rest of the life with. Someone who earns a comfortable salary to begin with. Someone educated to match her degree qualification. Someone who at least have a plan for a family in the future.
I decided to work my persuasion techniques on her. To tell her to choose carefully. I didn’t want her to repeat mistakes that some of my friends had made – those who think love conquers all. It’s a total hog wash in today’s material society.
My act of persuasion had turned into a nagging session as expected. The Mechanic did not complete his Form Five as his dad wanted him to get out from school to help him so that his other sisters would have the privilege to study. He relented. He did what it takes to be the eldest brother. The person who would sacrifice his life so that his other siblings would have better chance in education.
It is disheartening to know that despite all the things that he has done, his sisters took him for granted. Some even pretend that he did not exist. His father bought a car for one of the sisters when she started working and the Mechanic needs to help to pay for monthly installments. As usual, he’s being taunted and bullied.
I believe he doesn’t deserve to be sidelined. I respected him for making sacrifices for his sisters. I felt appalled that such selfless act was not even being appreciated. I thought of the worst as well. Probably he’s going out with my sister because she could help to finance his family’s burden. God forbids.
I reasoned with my sister. She probably chose him out of empathy and not love. As expected, she knew that if she were to engage in a confrontation with me, she would never win. She kept quiet. Her silence showed that she was hurt by what I had said. I just warned her about lack of planning for the future would only cause her more pain.
I told her about a friend who left form 3 because studying was not his forte. He took over his father’s mechanic shop and then within 5 years, he expanded his business to 2 other mechanic shops and even able to buy his dad a Mercedes. And he is only 20 years old this year.
Compare this to the Mechanic who has nothing. My sis reasoned that the Mechanic’s father does not own his own shop to begin with. He’s a salaried worker in our company. His son follows his foot steps and also works in the same company now. He had to finance his 3 siblings. He had a different family background. He did try to open a shop with his friends but his friends ended squabbling with each other and the business flop. Opening a mechanic shop is not that easy.
He could start something now as the youngest sister is already out from college. One less burden for him. After almost 15 years, he could finally do something for himself.
After I listen to some of her explanation, I felt ashamed. Perhaps I had taken things for granted. Being the eldest, I don’t think I would have the guts to do what he did. I was very much blessed and lucky to have parents who would do anything to ensure opportunities for greater education.
Loving someone does not mean that there should be equal standards. Nobody is perfect. I do not understand what makes my sister tick, but I felt that part of his kindness appeals to my sister as she is a very kind person herself.
One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. The wise are wise only because they love. The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love. You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. Why do we have to listen to our hearts? Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure. (Paulo Coelho’s quotes)
As I was walking up the stairs today, the Mechanic greeted me with so much meekness. There was totally no malice in him. Everyone should be given a chance to prove oneself. Perhaps I need to let go of my cynicism about him. Both of them deserve to be happy. If going out with him makes her happy, by all means. I will do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness.