November 7th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Dateless, Still
Remember I wrote about THE DATE (ugh!!), as well as coming up with an application form for men to complete in order to date me? Well, on the contrary to most people believed, I didn’t manage to secure the 10 dates that I limited. For those who missed it, not to worry, here are the summary of questions in the inane form:-
1. Name as per IC: So that people don’t lie about them being mixed breed of African and Chinese descent.
2. Age: Applicants above 40 need not apply!
3. Race: Sorry. But I am quite a racist, even if I date mostly non-Chinese
4. Occupation: Preferably engineers, architects, business owners, insurance – agency managers and not rookies, top salesman in direct selling – you know Diamond Ambassador etc (except Lamp Berger) I am phobic dating lawyers.
5. Marital Status: Single/Divorced/Married but yet wanna gatal
6. Physical attributes: Tall, dark, handsome dudes are mostly welcomed. Need not apply if you tattoo-ed your eyebrows.
7. Irritating/outrageous habits that I must know in order for me to take precaution:
Eg. Snoring in cinemas, pretending to be a retard to get cheaper tickets, digging nose while having dinner, poor hygiene (I once dated a man who smelt like my grandmother – you know, the old people’s smell), bad breath, unkempt nostrils hair, etc.
8. Who should fork the bill on first date? Going Dutch/ I pay! I am DA MAN!/ You pay since you earn more
9. You prefer to make phone calls or sms? To determine whether you are prone to stalk people
10. When a woman said, NOTHING – what she really meant was…
Circle your answer – or you may write anything you like here….
a) What is wrong with you man?! Can’t you see?! How insensitive? Buy me a bloody diamond ring NOW!
b) She really meant nothing
c) She is having PMS
One guy who initiated all the craziness – he actually wrote to me after he read about the tragic date and asked me out. After exchanging 16 e-mails, he still has yet to tell me how old he is (-10 points), he didn’t want to fork out money on first dates (-90 points), he said he will only tell me his marital status if everything eventually lead to a marriage (Who is marrying you??? Dude?? It’s only a date??-1,000,000 points), and he prefers not to call at all…. wah lao.. memang zaman dinosaur punya man.
In my last e-mail to him, I wish him well and happiness and said, I will not date him with all the “secrets” he has been hiding from me. For all you know, he is married with 4.5 kids, a huge mortgage and a very fat wife.
There is also another guy who completed the form solely to amuse me, let’s call him Albanian Goat, whose answers were so damn hilarious. Thanks, AG for making my day on an otherwise, a very bad day.
Guess I will be dateless for as long as I live.