absolut ginger

Last Thursday, I had dinner with a couple of girlfriends and as usual, there were loads to gossip about! One topic which made us laughed till our stomach ached is related to how greedy and kiasu some friends are during Chinese weddings.

Friend #1

We were at a wedding dinner and then, since there were only five of us on the table, we couldn’t finish most of the dishes especially the glutinous rice which came towards the end of the 7 course dinner. Kiasu friend asked if we would like to have the glutinous rice, none of us want to have it because we were too full. Kiasu friend suddenly stood up and gestured the waiter by doing a square sign with both his hands and fingers. The waiter was smart enough to  understand what he wanted and brought the Kiasu friend a plastic bag. The Kiasu friend started to scoop the glutinous rice into the plastic bag and said, “This portion is for supper, this is for tomorrow’s breakfast, lunch and dinner. And this portion is for the next day’s dinner!” Our jaws dropped in unison when he said that.

Note: Seriously, I don’t think it’s bad to have him ta pao the glutinous rice, but he doesn’t have to explain how he’s gonna finish the glutinous rice!

Friend#2

This particular friend is super kiam siap and kiasu. He went to a wedding buffet at this friend’s place and he started to pile up his plate with all the food till the paper plate is at the verge of tearing into two! Then, he helped himself not only with one or two servings. He ate like five servings! Then, to top it all up, even when some guests were still turning up at the dinner buffet, he requested some plastic bag and started to pack the dishes. Then, to make things worse, he also asked others if they would like to pack. And he had the cheek to tell people he wanna ta pao for tomorrow’s breakfast!

Note: I think it’s ok to ta pao if all guest had their fills and there are still plenty of food left.. but not when guests are still coming in!

Well, when my friends told me these stories, I chuckled to myself and said, “You ain’t seen nothing yet! I am going to tell you this.. and you let me know, if you can top this!”

My story #3

This is a story of my ex ICSA classmate’s housemate’s wedding. On how I got to know the housemate - I was doing ICSA, since I didn’t have a car that time, so I would stay over this friend’s place and went for exams together in Cheras.

Mimi’s wedding was in Bentong, Pahang. We made a trip there early on a Saturday morning together with Mimi’s colleague whom I have not met. She was a plump girl, long hair, bespectacled and looked somewhat clumsy. Picture a fatter version of a bespectacled Lam Ah Chan with longer hair, Lam Fei Chan.

When we arrived at the wedding luncheon, we were ushered to our seats. I was sitting in between my classmate and Lam Fei Chan.

Kampong weddings are very famous for its lavish servings. True enough, in this wedding luncheon, instead of the standard 7-course dinner that we usually have in KL, they had altogether 10 dishes! And not to mention dessert!

We started with the normal four seasons dish and Lam Fei Chan asked for extra plates. Whenever we were done with a dish, and the waiter wanted to take it away before putting a new dish, Lam Fei Chan would stop the waiter so she could scoop whatever that remained on the dish on her plates. Actually, it’s good because there is no wastage! So I was kinda glad that at least someone on the table really could eat everything and leave no dish unfinished. And instead of having two glasses with her, she had four glasses of drink – soft drink, tea, wine and Hennessey all at one go.

But when 7th dish came, she still scooped everything onto her plates and finished everything in gusto. I was already suffering shortness of breath merely by looking at the amount of food she was eating. Lam Fei Chan could just eat, eat and eat.

I was worried that her stomach might burst that instant. Images of her intestines, innards, shark fins, half digested nestum prawns,  etc plastered all over the wall, table cloth, baby’s chair, one old uncle’s toupe and maybe on me were becoming so vivid. I asked her not to force herself, but she delightedly told me that she is fine. I almost had a seizure when I saw some gravy splattered on her white blouse. Well, maybe her blouse was hungry too. At this point, I already tried to be invisible so I could not be seen with her.

This is not the best part yet…

When we finished the lunch, I thought the worst is over. Lam Fei Chan was digging her teeth with toothpicks and the other free hand holding a bottle of Hennessey. She was about to bag the Hennessey when the waiter called out to her and said, they need to bottle to take a stock count in order to charge the host.

Lam Fei Chan did the most unbelievable thing. She grabbed a mineral water bottle, emptied it and then poured the remaining Hennessey into it!!

As this was happening, I stood there with my jaw dropped onto the floor when my classmate grabbed me by the arm and both of us literally ran away from this “monster”!

Wah lao eh…. Damn sia sui!!!

So, after you guys read this, feel free to share your “horror” wedding stories. I doubt anyone could top that!

No Comments | In: Bitch & Whine, Drama | Permalink
Posted by Gina

A few moments ago, my handphone rang. A Chinese woman spoke to me in heavy China-Mandarin accent. The following conversation was in Mandarin.

China woman: Wei, I am calling from XYZ company. I want to do survey on tv shows, can you spare me 1 minute of your time?

Me: Err… sorry… my Mandarin is not good.

China woman: It’s ok. I can use simple Mandarin.

Me: Err.. sorry….

China woman: Just take one minute to do this survey.. blah blah .. blah blah……

Me: Err.. sorry.. but I don’t have time.

China woman: You small duck head*! Say earlier lah! @#$$^&**&

Me: HWANG PAH DAN!!!!!!!!

* Direct translation: Siao Yah Dou

Then, I hung up. Laughing my ass off.

I wonder if there are anymore vulgar words in Mandarin. I seriously want to learn. Hwang pah dan is too mild!

9 Comments | In: Bitch & Whine, Drama | Permalink
Posted by Gina

1. When I went to get my bi-monthly hypertensive medication, the moment I walk out from my car into the clinic, without even looking at my identity card, the nurse would start to count yellow atenolol tablets and packed them into two separate containers of 30 each. Don’t know good or bad that the nurse actually knew my prescriptions by my face.

2. When I ta pao nasi lemak on the way to work, the man in ketayap would automatically pack my nasi lemak with telur goreng and sambal kerang. I just need to get out from the car, say thanks, collect the nasi lemak, give him exact change of RM3 and be on my way to office. I have “telur goreng and kerang” face?

3. When I was working in a management firm, every two – three months, I had to call clients to pay our secretarial fees. I remember there is one particular client who would automatically tell me that the cheque is on the way the very moment she heard my “Hello”. LOL! Geez.. Perhaps, I can moonlight as a part time Ah Loong debt collector.

4. These days, I always start my conversation with “Have I told you…..” because I keep forgetting if I told the particular friend of the same incident. Don’t know good or bad to have too many friends.. actually I am in denial that this is a sign of aging.

5. Friends decided to show their “maturity” by deleting you from their Facebook friends list when they are unhappy (because of their own wrong doings actually) with you. It reminds me of my yesteryears kindergarten friends – “I don’t want to friend you!” Facebook should change its name to Lamebook. As for the so called “friends”, it’s definitely good riddance!

6. There is one particular colleague who cannot shut the fuck up even though she sees you being bloody busy with work. I was typing away some reports with a scowl on my face and I didn’t even give her any eye contact and she still stood there and told you about EVERYTHING about her that you don’t give a shit about. Don’t know good or bad that my “bored and don’t-fuck-care” face now is being taken as my poker face.

7. My boss repeats the same thing to me over and over and over again on his next day’s schedule before he leaves office every day. Maybe I look forgetful, probably slightly demented to him.

8. On the way for an appointment yesterday night, I listened to clips of the memorial service of Michael Jackson on the radio and was touched by all the testimonials. My eyes would tear whenever “I’ll be there” is sung. At night, I watched again the Memorial Service on 8tv and tears flowed again when “I’ll be there” was sung. Don’t know how long this is gonna be happening.

2 Comments | In: Bitch & Whine, Random Notes | Permalink
Posted by Gina

I was down with flu and sore throat since Wednesday and didn’t take the day off till I finished arranging things for my boss flight to India. After that, I took the Friday off to sleep away the flu bug. Thank God it worked! I did not want to miss the following stuffs that made my weekend great!

First, I went to a friend’s place for some makan feast and guess what did one of our friends made for us?

Banana Choc Muffins

Banana Muffins with White Chocolate

Black Currant “dipped in Brandy” Cake

Nothing beats home made cakes and muffins! Thanks to the multi-talented chef!

Then, as the Saturday progressed, I received an unexpected phone call from MPH.

MPH: Is that Gina Cheng?

Me: Yes, speaking. Who is this? *Suspicious that the person on the other line wanna sell me insurance or credit card*

MPH: I am calling from MPH. Adam Lambert’s Rolling Stone is here…

Me: Serious ah????

MPH: *Chuckled* Yes.

Me: Aiyoh.. I ingat sudah habis.. tak sampai Malaysia!

MPH: Ada.. ada… you nak?

Me: Mesti nak lah.. I datang sekarang jugak!

MPH: LOL!! Ok ok.. you datang Customer Service lah ya.. hujung sana…

Me: Ok ok set! Thank you! Thank you!

When I put down the phone, I said to my friends, “That was Adam Lambert.”

LOL! Thanks to Ann for leaving my number with MPH ONE Utama and I can’t believe they actually called me back! And also thanks to all my friends who had tirelessly searched and hunted this magazine for me the past one month!

So, after the scrumptious lunch and chit chat, I drove all the way to One Utama only to get lost at Sunway Pyramid. Don’t ask me how.. the road signboards in KL are totally UNRELIABLE!!!

Finally!! Adam Lambert is in my hands… Muahahahha!

To top up the already really, really good weekend, an old friend from Taiping gave me a packet of 10 wan tan mee! So, my mom, aunt and sis made some dishes to compliment the wan tan mee; char siew, shredded steamed chicken, wan tan, choy sum and this time, we get to add as much char siew or wan tan as we like and ate to our heart’s content! Thanks to Cee!

Home made wan tan mee!

I hope your weekend was just as great!

8 Comments | In: Journey of the Soul, Kindred Spirits, Makan-makan | Permalink
Posted by Gina

How time flies! Today is already the 1st day of July. On how I started my July – I am down with terrible sore throat and flu. What a way to start second half of the year. Anyway, here’s what happened the past one week in my life.

My family honors Michael Jackson

My mom is probably the oldest MJ’s fan in my house. Even though she doesn’t speak much English, she watched all the Jackson tributes on Astro. My sis had to translate every single sentence into hokkien for my mom. So you imagine the chaos.. I was trying to listen what’s going on the tv with people talked behind me and above my head.

Then, even in cooking, she did all in honor of Michael Jackson’s song – Black and White. We have the soy sauce chicken (black) and also the steamed chicken (white). And now I learned that, cincau mix with soy milk is called “Michael Jackson” because of its color mixture.

Do you sayang me?

QQ is now two and a half years old, going to three. He’s getting better at expressing himself.

Last weekend, he said the funniest shit to my cousin brother who came to visit us.

QQ: Do you sayang me?

Cousin brother: Of course I sayang you.

QQ: If you sayang me, then you buy me KFC lah.

KFC must pay QQ advertisement fee. On another note, my mom again told me to put in my blog that, the new KFC recipe for hot & spicy is really shitty and please change it back to the “original” hot & spicy.

Funniest Shit

A friend told me of her office joke. Her colleague went to Cambodia for business and when she came back to KL, she wrote a thank you note to the Cambodian counterpart for her hospitality.

In return, the Cambodian staff replied, “You’re welcomed. It’s my pleasure to hospitalize you”

Toilet Hygiene

We caught the culprit who never flushes the toilet after use in our office. For the past 5 days, the tea lady who played SUDOKU was on leave and the toilet was miraculously clean and “scentless”. In fact, the cleaner told me that she scolded the tea lady when she was caught coming out from the toilet without flushing. Yet, the tea lady could just blatantly denied. So I guess the tea lady is not the one who floods the toilet after use. It should be someone else. I pity the staff drinks the tea or coffee the tea lady makes every morning and afternoon. Mind you. I make my own coffee and my boss doesn’t drink coffee or tea and from my “observation”, I convinced him to bring his own water from home to office.

Detox

Almost every female colleague in the office is doing detoxification program including me. As a result, the use of toilet paper has escalated. I wonder if the management would suddenly gazette one roll per person per month. Well, they could do away with the supply of Milo.. so it wouldn’t be a surprise if they expect us to use leaves to wipe our asses.

7 Comments | In: Random Notes | Permalink
Posted by Gina